How Being Yourself is the Most Powerful Networking Strategy There Is
If you meet Ruth Leigh now, you’d never guess.
She walks into rooms with presence. She’s funny, warm, sparkly and magnetic. She has eight books published and a devoted band of superfans.
But Ruth was not always this person.
She was shy. She was introverted. She hated networking. She turned up to her very first event, looked around at a room full of men in suits and women in flash clothes, and thought: I do not belong here. I’m going to call it a day.
And then something happened that changed everything.
Ruth from Ruth Leigh Writes is the author of the hilarious Isabella M Smugge series — and in this week’s podcast episode she shared her secrets on how to approach networking as an introvert. Here’s what she taught me about confidence, authenticity and why being yourself is the most powerful networking strategy there is.
Confidence isn’t something you have. It’s something you build.
This is the thing I most want you to hear. Because I think so many women look at confident, outgoing, seemingly fearless people and assume they were just born that way. That it comes naturally. That they’ve never felt the wobble.
Ruth was introverted. She hated hanging out with other people. She didn’t like speaking. Networking filled her with dread. And her first experience of it was exactly the kind that puts people off for years — corporate, formal, full of people using language that wasn’t hers, in a room where she felt like an outsider.
“I used to be you,” she said to our listeners.
She kept going anyway. She turned up to event after event, even when it felt uncomfortable, even when she didn’t know anyone, even when she was convinced she didn’t belong. And gradually — not overnight, not from one magic event — she changed.
“I have changed out of all recognition from that shy, nervous person who hated networking,” she told me. “But I only changed because I kept going.”
That’s the real secret. Not a trick. Not a script. Just showing up, again and again, until the room starts to feel familiar and the words start to come more easily and the person you’re becoming starts to feel like the person you actually are.
The moment everything changed
Ruth had been trying to fit in at her first networking group. She was copying everyone else — the corporate language, the polished pitch, the serious professional veneer. And it wasn’t working. Because it wasn’t her.
She told another woman she was thinking about calling it a day. And somewhere in that conversation, she made a joke. She told the woman she had a qualification after her name. JNP - Jolly Nice Person.
The woman fell about laughing.
“Somewhere in the recesses of my brain a bell rang,” Ruth told me. “I thought: hang on a minute. I could be the funny one.”
She stopped pushing down her personality. She stopped trying to sound like everyone else. She became the funny, warm, authentic version of herself — and everything shifted.
“After that, networking was so much easier. Because I was being myself.”
I think about this a lot when it comes to WIN. I see women come in trying to sound polished and professional, worried about saying the wrong thing, performing a version of themselves they think people want to see. And I always want to say — stop. Just be you. The real you is so much more interesting.
Why trying to be someone else never works
There’s a version of networking that a lot of people default to, especially when they’re nervous. They use language that doesn’t sound like them. They talk about their business in a way they think sounds impressive rather than in a way that actually reflects who they are. They copy what they see other people doing.
And it almost always falls flat. Because people can feel inauthenticity. They might not be able to name it, but something feels slightly off and the connection doesn’t quite form.
Ruth built an entire career on being unmistakably herself. Her books are funny because she is funny. Her talks are engaging because she is genuinely, naturally engaging. Her networking works because when she’s in a room, she’s fully, unapologetically Ruth.
She told me the most annoying life lesson she’s ever learned is that it’s not the nice stuff and the easy stuff that makes you the person you are — it’s the challenges, the obstacles, the things you had to overcome. And those things, when you share them honestly, are what connect you to other people.
Your story is not a liability. It is your greatest asset.
What to do if you’re still the shy one in the room
Ruth’s advice for anyone who is still in those early, uncomfortable stages was beautifully simple.
Find someone really nice and kind. Stick with them. Let one good conversation be enough for that event. And come back.
You don’t have to work the whole room. You don’t have to be brilliant at small talk. You don’t have to have a killer pitch or a perfectly polished answer to “so what do you do?”
You just have to show up. And be you. And come back again.
Every confident networker you have ever admired was once the nervous person in the corner. Every single one. The only difference between them and you is that they kept going long enough to find their version of the JNP moment — the moment they stopped performing and started just being themselves.
And when that happens? Everything changes.
One final thought
Ruth said something near the end of our conversation that I’ve been thinking about ever since.
She talked about that anxious little girl who spent her whole childhood escaping into books. And how strange and wonderful it is that she has grown into someone who does exactly the same thing for other people — writing stories that help women escape, laugh, breathe, and feel less alone.
She didn’t become that person in spite of the hard stuff. She became that person because of it.
Whatever you’ve been through, whatever you’re carrying, whatever version of yourself you’ve been hiding at networking events because you don’t think she’s impressive enough — she is. Bring her. She’s the best thing you’ve got. 💛
About Ruth
Ruth Leigh is the author of eight books including the hilarious Isabella M Smugge series, a collection of short stories, poetry and a book of blogs. Book five in the Izzy series is out next month. If you’ve never read her work and you need something that will make you laugh out loud and feel very seen as a woman — start there.
Find Ruth here:
🌐 Website: https://www.ruthleighwrites.co.uk/
📸 Instagram: @ruthleighwrites
👤 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ruthleighwrites
Want to hear the full conversation?
Listen to my full chat with Ruth on the Women Inspired Networking Conversations podcast, available now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
🎙️ Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0DM7Ooc5nLezg4u91OklYo?si=83acff1303aa4471
📺 YouTube: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDVCZqf8LiBs92aTeEHZsWrtoNRJEVCXn&si=kfsbmnaQYm0lelUk
Come and find your people:
🌐 www.womeninspirednetwork.com/events
👤 Facebook: Women Inspired Network: Networking For Women In Business
📸 Instagram: @women_inspired_network